In our journey through life, encountering setbacks is inevitable.
How we respond to these setbacks, however, can greatly influence our overall resilience.
Unfortunately, there are two personal traps that can derail our best intentions and lead to non-resilient behavior.
Thinking Traps:
How often do we find ourselves caught in the cycle of negative self-talk? Reflect on the last time you faced a setback. Did you view it as permanent or pervasive? Such thoughts are clear examples of thinking traps. As seen in the teachings of Paul McGee, viewing setbacks through a lens of personal limitations only magnifies the adversity.
During stressful times, it’s common to view situations in stark contrasts—black or white—forgetting the myriad of greys that constitute reality. This binary thinking, such as the “Triangling” pattern where a third party is either a victim or a bully, limits our perspective and resilience.
Moreover, catastrophizing situations or making “mountains out of molehills” can skew our perceptions, leading to overwhelming feelings and less resilient responses. The key to overcoming these self-defeating talks is to fact-check our thoughts, question their utility, and ask whether we would express these negative thoughts to someone we care about.
Behavioral Traps:
Behavioral traps are just as insidious as thinking traps. Consider a drastic scenario, like losing a job. Referencing the insights of Jeffrey Sonnenfeld and Andrew Ward from their HBR article, it’s evident that those who rebound after being fired often avoid certain behavioral pitfalls.
The failure to bounce back is usually tied to a lack of strategy, an inability to accept change, and dealing with the situation in isolation. Many also fall into the trap of accepting severance without presenting their side of the story, which can lead to demotivation and depression. Others lose their drive, failing to find new purpose or mission, and often suppress their true emotions rather than acknowledging them.
On the flip side, reversing these behaviors can lead to remarkable comebacks. Fired CEOs who acknowledge their feelings, seek support, and redefine their goals often find themselves leading new ventures to greater heights.
With an understanding of these unhealthy thinking and behavioral patterns, it’s important to reflect on which traps you might be falling into.
How can you start addressing these from now on to enhance your resilience?
Being resilient is not just about bouncing back; it’s about learning, growing, and thriving through adversity. By recognizing and adjusting our internal dialogues and behaviors, we pave the way for not just recovery, but profound personal growth.
